This big, purple ball is my new best friend.  Together, we will sculpt me into the next Megan Fox.

These last few weeks have definitely had their ups and downs.  I have met with and been “passed” on by two fairly large commercial talent agencies (and three auto lenders, but we won’t get into that now).  Technically, I still *have* a commercial agent, though—who is a wonderful, fun person I’d like to go out for drinks with—but she hasn’t sent me out on any auditions since the day after I quit my day job to focus on my acting career, ironically (which was almost three months ago now), and the only way I can get in touch with her is via MySpace.  There’s clearly something wrong with this picture, hence my search for new commercial representation.

…But landing a theatrical agent is even more difficult.  THAT is what I really want and need right now. 

The bottom line is this: in order to land any real auditions for film and television work, an actor must get herself a theatrical agent who will submit her for these auditions.  There are a good number of theatrical agents in town, but competition for them is fierce.  It is nearly impossible to get a meeting with one unless you know someone who can get you in.  If not, however, you are lumped in with the masses, forced to submit only through the mail and pray that one of them will call you in for a meeting. 

Over the last few weeks, in addition to meeting with those two commercial agents who didn’t want me, I have spent countless hours and many, many dollars sending out submission packages (headshot, resume, personalized cover letter with links to website and reel clips, and letter of recommendation from a major director) to approximately 60 theatrical agencies.  Unfortunately, this has thus far yielded no results (not even so much as a phone call).  I have also sent 100 headshots and resumes to casting directors…and yet, nothing from that end, either.

It is just so difficult to get anyone in this town to take a chance on a relative unknown.

Of course, I’m thankful that I was able to get those commercial meetings in the first place, but when you’re turned away over and over again, or completely ignored by the people who hold that golden key, it’s really, REALLY hard!  It’s discouraging and it beats you down, it makes you feel helpless and hopeless and question everything you’re doing—or not doing—and it causes you to work out on a big purple ball like a crazy person because you think the reason you can’t get any representation (and therefore any auditions) is because you’re a fat, disgusting cow, even though you weigh just 106 pounds.

Yesterday, when I heard back from the second commercial agent in so many weeks to turn me down, it was really hard not to cry. 

…But I get it, you know.  This town is tough!  I understand that no one is interested in taking a chance on anyone new because they don’t want to risk their job or their reputation.  And I’m sure they just don’t want to be bothered.  There are so many people in Los Angeles who want to be actors, so many talentless hacks—what a mess to have to sort through!  Submissions to agencies come in the mail hundreds or thousands at a time, day after day, and I’m sure most don’t even get opened.  The only real way I’ve found by which actors in LA can get good representation is via personal recommendation from someone else.  That way, there’s little to no work involved in finding good talent, and there’s always someone else to blame if said actor doesn’t book jobs, is flaky, or just plain sucks.

I just wish I had someone to go to bat for me, even just a little bit.

It is so overwhelmingly frustrating to be such a hard working, well trained, cute (so I hear), talented actor who wants SO badly to be sent out on a few real auditions to showcase what I have to offer, and no one willing to represent me or even look at my submission packet!  It feels like I have a big brick wall in front of me that I have to climb, and no one willing to throw down so much as a strand of dental floss to help me get started climbing.  Sigh…

Although you may not be able to discern this from my above ramblings, I am an eternal optimist, however, and I know that if I can persevere and just keep training and meeting people and doing mailings and trying to make this happen, that one day I will find some fabulous commercial AND theatrical representatives who will be willing to work their asses off for me, and together we will achieve tremendous success.  I just hope I can hang in there until that happens... 

In the meantime, if you need to reach me, I’ll be hanging out with my new friend the big, purple ball, trying to make myself feel better.

**(In other, sunnier news: I did just book the title role of “Clark” in the independent short film “Everybody Loves Clark.”  It was written and will be directed by Morgan Schechter, a fabulous director I’ve worked with on two previous projects.  The film will be shooting this summer, and also stars a big name male lead (I’m not allowed to announce who it is yet, but I’m super excited to work with him!).  I am also helping to produce this project, which is a great experience, as well.  The film will be submitted to all the major film festivals and we’re really looking forward to see where this film will take us!)**